


Help Me Forget

by captainamergirl



Category: General Hospital
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:44:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8495989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: Logan Hayes is a man haunted by the ghosts of the past. Sam McCall is a woman who doesn't know much about being loved. They could be each other's downfall ... or each other's savior.
An angsty short story featuring Sam and Logan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

  
The first thing she sees upon entering their little apartment after a long day at the P.I. office is that everything is a complete disaster. Not just cluttered. But a total wreck. Tables and chairs are overturned and there are broken beer bottles strewn everywhere along with shredded photographs and shattered glasses. She sees little droplets of blood leading behind the couch and steels herself for what she is about to see.   
  
She hurries over to him when she sees him slumped over on the floor looking as broken and destroyed as the apartment, if not more so. She reaches for his arm and he smacks her hand away, saying nothing.  
  
“Logan, Lo, baby, please don’t shut down on me, what’s going on?” she asks, leaning closer to him to assess the damage he’s done to his hands punching in the walls. They are crusted with blood and bruised up to the wrist. Then she knows. Of course. How could she have forgotten?  
  
“Oh god,” she moans in time with him. “I’m sorry. I totally forgot. It’s Coo-“  
  
“Don’t say his name, dammit, you didn’t even fucking know him,” Logan says rolling to a half sitting position. She can smell the alcohol on his breath so potently and she aches to make everything better for him, knowing by now that running to the bottle never did either of them any damn favors.  
  
But this gets worse and worse every year. Around this time of the winter, when people are ringing in the New Year and looking forward to new beginnings, he is remembering the past when it was him and his best friend against the world. Remembering a time when they were closer than brothers.  
  
She wants to be there for him but he always pushes her further and further away during this time. It is weeks before he will even allow himself to crawl back into the bed they have shared for nearly six years.  
  
“Let me call Lainey,” she says starting for the phone but he screams at her to drop it.  
  
“Damn you, I don’t need anyone. I don’t need a shrink. I need a little fuckin’ peace and quiet,” he says and hauls himself to his feet although he is weaving drunkenly. “If you won’t give it to me here then I’m leaving.”  
  
She jumps in front of the door. “No, no, you’re not. Stay here. Be with me. Talk to me. I will try to help you. You’re right, we don’t need Lainey. We have each other –“  
  
He practically growls at her, “We have nothing,” and pushes past her, yanking his car keys off the rack by the door before she can stop him.  
  
She runs after him but he pushes her aside and climbs into his truck and speeds off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**  
  
_“What are you trying to forget?” He asks walking past her at Jake’s and sliding into a seat two bar stools down._  
  
_She looks over at him. “What makes you think I’m trying to forget something?”_  
  
_“Because you’ve been starin’ into the bottom of bottle after bottle for the past twenty minutes, drinkin’ like you want to wipe out your damn memory. Liquid amnesia, I believe its called.”_  
  
_She sniffs. “I suppose you know the feeling. I noticed you have had your fair share.”_  
  
_“Were you watchin' me?” He asks with a little smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes._  
  
_“Maybe,” she says and starts to take another drink when she feels his hot hand come down over her wrist. “Hey, don’t touch me!”_  
  
_He doesn’t move his hand and she doesn’t make him. “You want to forget, I have things to forget, let’s forget the fucking world together.”_  
  
_She laughs in spite of herself. “You’re a regular romantic.”_  
  
_“Yep, Romeo, that’s me,” he says. “But look either it’s you and me upstairs or that hot blonde over there and me. I ain’t waiting forever for you to decide.”_  
  
_She looks at him and grins. “You also don’t mince words.”_  
  
_“Hell, I don’t even know what ‘mince’ means,” he said as he then leaned over and scrapped his hot, slightly calloused fingers across the back of her exposed neck. He brushes her earlobe with his tongue and whispers, “Meet you upstairs in ten?”_  
  
_She will hate herself in the morning, she thinks, but she agrees._  
  
_XoXoXo_  
  
_The sex was the most amazing of her life. She thought she knew every bedroom trick but he surprised her every single time she thought she had managed to get the upper hand._  
  
_Taking a breather for a moment, she turned in his arms and asked, “You didn’t tell me what you were trying to forget.”_  
  
_“You didn’t either,” he said, tweaking her nipple as hard as he can, just for the hell of it._  
  
_She takes a shuddering breath and says, “I’ll tell if you do.”_  
  
_“Not interested, honey,” he said. “Sometimes there are things a man can’t talk about.”_  
  
_She scoffs. “You mean doesn’t want to talk about.”_  
  
_“Same difference,” he says. “So we came here to forget things, let’s keep on with that,” he said and rolled on top of her, taking her swifter and even harder this time than he had before._  
  
XoXoXo  
  
She didn’t find out until weeks later that he was drinking and screwing and fighting off hell itself to forget how he felt he failed his best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**  
  
Five months into their "acquaintance", she inadvertently discovered that his birthday was approaching and decided to surprise him with a party. Since no one in town seemed to like him besides her, and vice versa, she had instead looked up two men from his old infantry and invited them over to the apartment the next week.  
  
Somehow she had hoped that she he would be even somewhat happy to see his old friends. She had even expected it but she was very wrong.  
  
_The minute he walked into the apartment and saw them standing there, the perpetual frown he wore had turned into a grimace. An outright scowl._  
  
_"What the fuck are you two doing here?" He demanded and then his eyes landed on Sam. "You did this?"_  
  
_"Yeah, it's your birthday and -"_  
  
_"I know what fuckin' day it is. I am not that stupid."_  
  
_"Lo, babe, I just thought we should do something special for you. You only turn twenty-five once in a lifetime ..."_  
  
_"Thank god," he grumbled and then turned to face his former comrades. "You two have a fuckin' lot of nerve showing up here."_  
  
_The one called James held up a hand. "We were in New York when we got the call. We used to be soldiers together. Why shouldn't we have come?"_  
  
_"Better question: Why should you have?"_  
  
_Sam stepped between Logan and the men. "Logan, come on. This is a special day -"_  
  
_"Not to me. To me, it's just another fuckin' day. You shouldn't have gone and done this, Sam. Now get these two sons a bitches out of here before I throw them out!"_  
  
_Sam tried protesting again but the men said they were leaving and that was it._  
  
_Tears burned her eyes as she went to clean up the kitchen where she had set out a cake and appetizers and all kinds of things that would never be touched now. Sure, she hadn't made them but she had taken the effort to put this party together and it was so unappreciated. No, she was unappreciated. They had been together for five months and Logan didn't respect her. Not at all._  
  
_She decided then and there that she was leaving and not coming back. Sure, she had threatened that before but now she was determined. She refused to be somewhere where she was not needed. Even though leaving him would be like cutting out a piece of her vital anatomy, she had to go._  
  
_She walked into the bedroom and found him laying on the bed with his chest bare, nursing yet another beer. He didn't say anything at first, even as she walked to the closet and yanked it open and started throwing things into a duffle bag._  
  
_Finally, he spoke and she expected him to yell at her again but all he said was, in a low voice, "Sammy, don't go, okay? I'm sorry for jumpin' all over your ass. It's just ... I can't forget. Help me forget... Please."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**  
  
_Sam pondered what to do for a long moment but the look of pure, unadulterated misery in Logan's glassy eyes made up her mind for her. She dropped the duffle on the ground and immediately crawled into the bed beside Logan, snuggling up to him and resting her head on his bare chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat._  
  
_He smoothed her hair back with his hand and kissed her forehead. "Thank you," he said. "I know I ain't even close to deservin' you but I'm so glad you're here, baby."_  
  
_A tear worked its way down his cheek and she reached out and wiped it away gently with the pad of her tiny thumb. "You're right. You don't deserve me but I can't leave you right now. Not when you need someone. I just wish you would tell me what you are trying so hard to forget, what's eating you up so bad inside."_  
  
_"It's hard to talk about, baby."_  
  
_"I know. I can tell. But I can't make it stop hurting if I don't know ..."_  
  
_Logan nodded and rested his head in the crook of her neck for a moment before pulling back to begin talking. "I had a brother."_  
  
_"Wow, I didn't know that."_  
  
_"Well he wasn't my biological brother but he was my brother in every other way. His name was Cooper Barrett. We grew up together, both without fathers. I grew up to be a scoundrel but he grew up strong and brave and good. All the things that made people love him, want to be around him. He decided to enlist in the army and go fight in Iraq and since we were used to doing things together, I said I would go too. We were even assigned to the same infantry after boot camp ended even. We were just two peas in a weird pod, if you will. We made lots of plans - or he did. He was proud to be an American soldier whereas I was just along for the ride, didn't know nothing about pride for someone who wasn't yourself..."_  
  
_"He sounds amazing."_  
  
_"He was," Logan said and Sam knew then that this Cooper was dead and that his death had irrevocably changed Logan in every single way. That he had even altered her life without them ever having met before and of course would not meet now._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**  
  
_"Talk to me, Lo, tell me what happened to him," Sam said, a tear sliding down her own face, feeling Logan's suffering and pain as acutely as if it were her own._  
  
_Logan sighed and then nodded. "Might as well. Hell, it can't hurt any worse and you might as well know the truth about the kind of bastard you're involved with."_  
  
_Sam considered protesting to the last part but stayed silent instead._  
  
_"Things were going okay, well, as okay as can be for a place like Iraq. We had been there for six months and Cooper was doing good. He had made friends with a pen pal named Georgie-something who was giving him lots of hope, who was giving him a reason to hope he could have a wife and a family, things I know I would never have and didn't think I wanted ..._  
  
_"One night though we were heading back to camp in a convoy of Jeeps when we were attacked from all sides. Every fuckin' corner of the land around us seemed to be crawling with Iraqis who wanted us dead. We fought them back pretty damn good though at first. However, things got dicey for me and Coop. We were backed into a fuckin' corner and all we could do was get out of the Jeep and run. We started running, Coop saying, 'don't look back, don't look back, Logan, just run!' I thought we were home free and then I stopped hearing his voice and I looked back and he was down on the ground, face down. And I knew I should have checked on him but they kept firing at me so I kept running to safety and then some comrades yanked me into a Jeep and I never got to see if he was really dead. I went back the next day and the body wasn't there. So he didn't even get a damn burial. Not even a damn burial like he deserved on home ground."_  
  
_"Oh, Logan," Sam said, tears rolling down her face to match his. "You can't really blame yourself for that, can you?"_  
  
_"Hell yes I do," Logan said but his voice was not raised in anger this time. "I do every damn day, every damn moment, of my life. You took up with a betraying, deserting bastard, Sam, and now you know who you be fuckin."_  
  
_Sam shook her head. "It could have happened to anyone. Anyone would have done what you did."_  
  
_"Not Coop. He never would have done that to me, girl. Never."_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**  
  
So many, many times she had thought of walking out on him. So many, many times she had actually packed up her things and tried to go and he would just pull her back somehow. Whether it was with another heartfelt confession or a teary-eyed plea. She always stayed.  
  
But not this time.   
  
Because the stick had two pink lines.  
  
She wasn't going to raise her baby in a house where daddy spent so much of the time drinking and punching in walls and breaking her heart. She didn't want that for their child and though it hurt like hell, she was walking out this time and not coming back.  
  
She packed up her stuff while he was off at the bar doing god knew what with whom. Even five years later the anniversary of Cooper's death was so fresh and real for him, more real than her and Logan's relationship had ever been. Cooper's memory put a solid blockade between Logan and Sam that seemed insurmountably big to climb. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted Logan's love; she wanted him to respect her and cherish her and she didn't believe he honestly ever would.  
  
She hauled two loaded suitcases to the door and looked back into the little apartment she had shared with Logan for so long. "Sorry, baby, I have to go," she said, not knowing whether she was talking to the baby growing inside of her or Logan's lingering presence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**  
  
It had been almost a year since he came back to the apartment to find her gone. Months and months had passed since she had upped and left him and damn if he didn't miss that girl like crazy. He hadn't thought he could miss anyone else the way he did Cooper but there it was. He ached for her inside and out. He knew he had driven her away but he had also always assumed her threats to leave him were as hollow and empty as his heart. He had been wrong in thinking she would put up with his shit forever. Painfully wrong.  
  
He didn't bother looking for her but did hear through the ever-active town grapevine that she was somewhere in California. He could easily go after her and drag her back here but he just didn't have the energy and even more than that, he was starting to see what his anger had cost them both.   
  
The silence in the apartment, especially at nights, seemed to mock him. Every inch of the place had some memory of her stuck to it and the loss of Sam was slowly driving him even more insane.   
  
And of course, the anniversary of Coop's death rolled around again. It had been six years since that fateful night in Iraq that had robbed him of his best friend. Six years that had also robbed him of his Sam. She may never have met his brother but Cooper had changed both of their lives. Logan had spent his life walking around in an impenetrable cloud of anger and it had cost him the best damn thing that ever happened to him.  
  
One night he found himself lying on the floor again, having bashed in all of the walls again with his fists. Broken beer bottles surrounded him on the carpet when his eyes suddenly fell on a plant Sam had once brought into the apartment. She didn't have a green thumb at all but had thought it would cheer up the dreary place. Now he noticed that even somehow after she was gone, it was still there and flourishing even. He hadn't had the heart to throw it out either even after shredding every other picture and memento of hers in the vain hope that it would chase away her memory. _I must be going crazy,_ he thought with an empty laugh. _A plant is making me miss her. I am definitely goin' round the damn bend for sure._  
  
With a sigh, he slowly climbed up from the floor and walked to the kitchen where he shuffled through a junk drawer until he found a business card. He then hesitantly picked up the phone and dialed.  
  
"I'd need to make an appointment with Dr. Winters," he said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**  
  
He hated therapy. He didn't like talking about his feelings or showing all his bleeding, salty wounds to the world. But as many times as it frustrated the hell of him, the thought of continuing to go on without his girl frustrated him still more. Lainey tried to prepare him for the possibility that she had moved on but he didn't want to consider it.   
  
Four months into therapy, he announced he was going after Sam, that he couldn't possibly take the damn separation a minute longer and hadn't he revealed enough of his inner turmoil, hadn't he tried hard enough to change?  
  
And so he climbed on a plane for San Diego, California where he had tracked her down. Straight off the plane he took a cab to her place. She had a little apartment along the beach. He loved it. The salty, wet air felt like freedom already. He knew it wasn't going to be easy but he had come here with his heart clutched in his hand. That had to mean something.  
  
He knocked on the door and waited impatiently. Finally, the door opened and she was standing there in shorts and a simple tank top looking like heaven to him. "Logan?" she said, her voice a mixture of surprise and uncertainty.  
  
"In the flesh," he answered her. "Hey, baby girl."  
  
She looked at him in wonder for a moment and then her expression shifted to one of anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"I got into therapy. I stopped drinking ... I want you in my life."  
  
She stared at him, trying to look unmoved, that much was obvious. She effected a harden expression but he could see through it the way he always could. "Did you really think that it would be so easy for me to just jump into your arms and take you back?"  
  
"No," he said, "but I am prepared to fight for you the way I never bothered to do before."  
  
"You need to leave, Logan, you're not wanted here."  
  
"You never could lie to me."  
  
"Go away!" she snapped and started to slam the door in his face when he heard the unmistakable sound of a baby crying. He caught his foot in the door.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"Come on, be straight with me, girl."  
  
"A baby, Logan. Now goodbye."  
  
"No way. I'm not going anywhere."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**  
  
"If they're mine, don't I have a right to see them?" Logan asked.  
  
"If? How many guys do you think I was dicking around with?" she demanded.  
  
"I didn't mean that. It's just ... It's been so long."  
  
She nodded, some of the anger going out of her words. "Yeah, it has."  
  
"Can I see them? Please, Sam."  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea, Logan. You never wanted to be a father before."  
  
"And I'm not sure I really am ready for that, that I even want that, to be perfectly honest, but I can't walk away either. I don't want to be _my_ father."  
  
"You can't be here out of obligation," Sam said. "She will know ..."  
  
"It's a girl ..."  
  
"Yes," Sam said and turned and walked into the depths of the apartment.  
  
He took a deep breath and followed her down the hall where he found her leaning over a crib, lifting out a fat-cheeked, too-gorgeous-for-words little baby girl with his eyes. His heart thudded to a stop in his chest as Sam settled the little girl on her shoulder and the baby seemed to lock perceptive eyes on his. "She's... she's ..." He didn't know what to say; he didn't know what to feel.  
  
"Logan, meet Danielle Barrett McCall," Sam said.  
  
"Danielle ... Barrett?" He said. "You named her after Cooper?"  
  
She nodded. "Yeah. It seemed appropriate somehow. He was a big part of your life. Mine too ..."  
  
Logan nodded. "I know. Maybe too big."  
  
"I never asked you to choose between us, Logan, you know," she said. Her voice drifted off for a moment as Logan continued to stare in wonder at both of his girls. "I'm strong now, Logan."  
  
"I can see that."  
  
"I don't need you coming here with your empty promises and ripping apart my life again. More than that, you can't do it to Dani."  
  
"I know," he said. "But I was prepared to fight for you and I still will do that."  
  
"Dani doesn't need a part-time father, Logan. She doesn't need you getting angry all the time, bashing in walls and scaring her."  
  
"I know," he said again. "I don't want to do that anymore. I gave up the booze, I haven't bashed in a wall in about three and a half months and I want you AND Danielle in my life. I am confused as hell about how I'm supposed to react to all this - if I'm allowed to be angry or sad or feel cheated but I do know I want to be here. Let me be here for you, girl. Let be here for our daughter."  
  
Sam stared at him. "I'm scared, Logan. Not for me, but for Dani. I am afraid when things get rough you're going to fall back into your old patterns again and Cooper will be the big ghost in the room between us all."  
  
"Coop was my best friend, baby, but I've realized that he is my past now and you are my future. You and Dani."  
  
"You say that now ..."  
  
"Let me have the chance to prove it, please," he said. "Give me six months and if I am still failing you in every damn way, then you can give me my walking papers and I promise not to fight you on it."  
  
"Dani might have gotten attached to you by then ..."  
  
"I'm already attached to her," Logan said and smiled at the baby. "Can I hold her?"  
  
Sam looked uncertain and then nodded, slowly passing the baby to Logan. Logan held her in his arms, feeling a great wave of some unknown emotion crescendo over him. Maybe it was fear or trepidation. Maybe it was relief. Or maybe it was just joy, the first time he had felt anything like it in too many years to count and he couldn't exactly recognize the feeling. Whatever it was, it hit him like a ton of bricks and tears dripped down his face.   
  
Sam watched him for a long moment and then walked over, sliding her arm around his waist and resting her head lightly on top of Danielle's. They stood that way for the longest time until the California sun dipped into the horizon taking it with it the light but none of their many emotions.


	10. Chapter 10

**Epilogue**  
  
He sits in the window seat of their apartment waiting for her. She asked him not to come in with her, so he is trying to be respectful of her wishes for once. He may be the furthest thing from perfect but he has changed; he has kept his word. He hasn't walked away or hurt her like he used to and has no intention of doing so. In two days, the tenth anniversary of Cooper Barrett's untimely passing will roll around again but this time it's not breaking him. It hasn't for the past few years since he made a commitment to Sam and his daughter. He has kept it too and surprisingly, not even on low days, has he ever broken the promise to be there for his family. It will never change now. He's in it for the long haul.  
  
She finally emerges from the bathroom and he looks up. "Well, girl?" he says with a smile.  
  
"Its positive," she says and holds up the stick with two pink lines. He hadn't known it back then but Sam leaving for Dani's sake had changed him forever in ways he couldn't imagine. Now he's as close to being a family man as a guy like him can get.  
  
"Alright!" he says and stands, pulling her into his strong arms. "I can't wait to tell Dani. She's going to be so happy."  
  
She looks up at him with tear-filled eyes. "And you? Are you happy?"  
  
He doesn't have to think about it like he would have had to in the past. Now he just nods. "Yep, girl. Couldn't be happier to have you and our kids in my life."  
  
He leans down and kisses her softly on the lips. The kiss then grows in urgency and intensity and soon he is backing her up to the sofa where they make love for what seems like hours.  
  
Later as she is spooned in his arms, he looks down at her. "Do me a favor, baby."  
  
"What?"  
  
 _"Don't let me ever let me forget any of this..."_  
  
THE END


End file.
